There’s a quiet tension many high-achieving women carry, a kind of internal push-and-
pull between knowing you’re capable and struggling to communicate that confidently to others.
Not because you’re unsure but because somewhere along the line, self-promotion got tangled up with arrogance. And so even when you know you’re doing good work, the moment you’re asked to talk about it, you pause. You shrink. You second guess whether saying it out loud might sound like… too much.
This isn’t about false modesty. It’s about programming. It’s about how we’re shaped to believe that competence should speak for itself. That being proud of your wins somehow discredits your humility. That voicing your impact might be mistaken for boasting when really, it’s the foundation of leadership. What makes this more complex is how deeply rooted it can be. Often, this hesitation isn’t born in adulthood. It’s learned early. From subtle messages that celebrating ourselves is unnecessary, or worse; inappropriate. From being told not to make a fuss.
From being praised for being quiet, modest, and accommodating. So we get good at downplaying. We edit ourselves. We wait to be recognized rather than assert our value. And even when people tell us we’re doing well, we’re still questioning if we’re enough; if we did “well enough,” or if someone else could have done it better.
This is where I love to pause and ask: What if nothing is wrong with you? What if the doubt you’re carrying isn’t yours to begin with?
Confidence is not about pretending. It’s not about performing. It’s about alignment, the ability to speak about yourself in a way that matches the truth of who you are.
And here’s where the shift begins: understanding that communicating your value is not the same as bragging. Saying “I led this,” “I accomplished this,” “I delivered results” is not ego, it’s ownership. And ownership is what opens doors.
That’s why I offer a tool I call the Brag Book. Not to collect shiny gold stars, but to give you a place to witness your own evolution. A space to document your results, your growth, the difference you made. Because when you can see it, you can speak it. And when you speak it, others see it too.
Too often, I see talented, qualified women wondering why the opportunities they’re aiming for keep slipping just out of reach. Not because they aren’t ready but because the way they’re presenting themselves doesn’t reflect the full weight of what they’ve actually done. It’s subtle. A resume that lists responsibilities instead of results.
An interview that leans on humility instead of strategy. A conversation that softens the language of leadership so it doesn’t come across as “too much.”
This is what happens when we’re taught to be careful with our shine. We water it down. We hope others will just “know” we’re capable and in doing so, we undersell the very things that make us powerful.
But here’s the truth: the world doesn’t benefit from you playing small. It doesn’t serve your future to make yourself invisible, so others feel comfortable. Leadership asks for clarity, not perfection. And the first step to being seen as a leader is allowing yourself to be seen.
If you’re ready to stop shrinking and start standing fully in your value, I’m here for that so send me your details to receive your Empowerment Guide.
Please note that I don’t make any guarantees about the results of the information provided. I share educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in the coaching program. You nevertheless need to know that your ultimate success or failure will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond my knowledge and control. I am not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. My services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. I can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions and any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information provided.
